Thalia Huntley

Do you believe in such a thing as “Destiny?” That maybe there are some moments in our lives that were meant to happen for reasons greater than we could possibly know or see from where we stand? I like to think of it as being a piece of a very large puzzle, and sometimes I get a glimpse of the edges of other pieces, and a picture starts to take shape. The same way that characters in a book can’t see the whole story, can’t know the ending until they come to it, line by line, page by page.
I find believing in Destiny to be a very hopeful thing. To think that when we arrive at pivotal moments, decisions that will change the entire course of our lives, change who we are in a fundamental way, have been arrived at all because of other, greater forces acting on our lives from the outside, like dominoes tumbling across a floor. You were always going to wind up where you are because of the pieces that fell into place before you, just as the people who come after you will wind up where they do because of the things that you do in the here and now. Just because I can’t see the path I’m walking doesn’t mean it isn’t there, and it doesn’t mean that the work I do for my own life can’t be part of someone else’s life as well. While some may see that believing in Destiny removes the need to make choices, it’s quite the opposite. I believe that there are many different futures open to us, and the choices we make determine what that future will look like. For example, 2017 kicked my ass from one end of my life to the other, to the point that it felt like I was the universe’s punching bag. Some of my problems were created by Past Me making bad decisions because I’m a human and sometimes that happens, and some of them were caused because of other forces beyond my control. I lost many things, including loved ones and pieces of myself, spent much of my time grieving and simply trying to deal with the concept of getting out of bed, and it is my choice to continue feeling sorry for myself, to allow the outside forces acting on my life to make me a victim. But that doesn’t sound very appealing. Instead, I’ve decided my primary goal of 2018 is to take care of myself, which is inherently a multi-pronged undertaking. It’s become a bit of a buzzword lately: self-care. It’s on everyone’s lips, echoing in the air, bouncing off the walls of the social media sites everywhere. And just about everyone has different ideas of what self-care is, mainly because we all have different needs. Most people think it’s about taking long, hot baths and relaxing with some aromatherapy candles, which sounds damn nice. That’s some of it, but let’s look at it in terms of fulfilling your destiny (little “d” to represent your individual destiny, as opposed to the capital “D,” to represent the Destiny of the world), if there is indeed such a thing.
We all have to face tough times in our lives; it’s just a part of living. We fall down, we mess up, and sometimes we need help getting back up. Having to rely on other people to help us creates an opportunity for reciprocation later on. It’s a beautifully human thing, to be strengthened by helping one another. The heavily-altered Buddhist phrase currently floating around the interweb says, “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the single candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” So in terms of Destiny, what if it is your destiny to fall on hard times so that someone else can fulfill their destiny of helping you back up? Or vice versa? What if it is your destiny to learn how to accept help, and in order to fulfill that destiny you must first need help? If you have made a New Year’s resolution to help others, to volunteer more or simply to be less selfish, then it would logically follow, assuming there is a Destiny at work that we can’t see, that you would come into contact with people who need help, whether they are capable of asking for your help or not, and you must learn to recognize someone in need when you meet them. Likewise, if you have resolved to take better care of yourself, increase your “self-care,” then it would be easy to assume that you have gone through some recent experiences that have shown you there is need for such a change in your life. Maybe you’ve been taking care of so many other people that you have created a habit of putting yourself at the bottom of your priorities. Maybe part of helping people in need is to show them that they need to take care of themselves by demonstrating self-care in your own life. Maybe you’re struggling with depression and haven’t noticed before now that you haven’t been taking care of yourself like you should, and believe me, I’ve been there, too. It’s okay. It’s okay to take a step back from the demands of others and look after yourself for a bit. It’s okay to look in the mirror and not like what you see, or to not even want to look in the mirror at all. It’s okay to need help. Asking for help, or even saying to yourself, “I need help,” is a sign of strength. It’s not weak to give someone else the opportunity to grow by helping you, especially when such a thing creates an opportunity for both of you to grow together from the experience. Simply being human, being imperfect, creates the Destiny all on its own. Needing to connect with other lives in order to make our own lives more full becomes a beautiful tapestry of interwoven destinies creating a larger Destiny, a great image that can be seen from the perspective of a higher power, if one does exist.
What if it is your destiny to fall down, metaphorically or not, so that you can learn to pick yourself up? What if learning to take care of yourself includes learning to do things for yourself? What if you have become too reliant on others and you are given so many hard times because they are really opportunities to learn how to fix your own problems, learn how to use the system that is in place to serve your needs, gain a kind of personal strength that will allow you to do more with your life? What if my involvement in the greater Destiny is to experience grief and loss and illness in order to be able to better empathize with others around me who might also be suffering? Or perhaps it is to show me that while it is important to take care of those in need, you can’t ignore your own needs. “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” as the adage goes. I do believe that we have destinies, and I also believe that those destinies combine to create a larger Destiny, but, and perhaps most importantly, I believe that our choices determine which destiny will play out in our lives. You have the choice, just as I do, to look at the pieces of your life and see where your needs and desires fit, and make decisions about what you will learn from each situation you encounter. And maybe not everyone can see things the way I do, maybe that’s what’s meant. Maybe we are all given different perspectives in order to show each other new ways of seeing. Maybe that’s part of fulfilling our destinies, too. Who knows? So happy 2018, everyone! I wish you all health, love and prosperity!