The holiday season is upon us!
We are bombarded at every turn by messages of giving and receiving, of spending more than we can afford, of eating more than our bodies need.
EAT, SPEND, SING, GIVE, GET, GORGE, GORGE, GORGE, MORE, MORE, MORE!
Which brings me to this month’s blog: borrowing and lending.
How do you feel about borrowing books? I don’t mean from a library. A library charges you money if you keep a book longer than they said you could. I mean, do you borrow books from individuals, friends, co-workers? What about lending? Are you generous about lending books out to others?
I enjoy the sense of community that comes with the idea of borrowing and lending books, but I’m disappointed to say that in practice, borrowing and lending often…disappoints. At least, in my experience, it has. I can say, with no humility whatsoever, that I am an excellent borrower. I will never spill coffee or wine on your books. I will never take your book into the bathtub and promptly drop it in the sudsy water. And I will never, ever, let my dog destroy your book, either with its teeth or its various other…excretions (horrified shudder). And if, on the rare occasion that something does happen to your book while I’ve borrowed it, I will absolutely replace it with a brand new copy and apologize for having been careless.
Anyone with a shred of common courtesy would already understand that these are merely the basic, lowest, most easily accomplished tenets of borrowing anything from someone. Even if you have no respect or care for your own property, books or otherwise, you should, at the very least, be respectful of the property of others, particularly while they have left it in your care. Think (if you are a thoughtless child and must be taught a sense of right and wrong and whether you shouldn’t destroy things that don’t belong to you) how it would make you feel if you let someone borrow something of yours, something that you liked and cared to have returned to you later, only to be told after several months that the lessee let something happen to your book (one of your favorite books, no less) and you won’t be getting it back.
Me: “Are you liking Outlander? It’s good, isn’t it?”
Borrower 1: “Oh yeah, um, about that. I didn’t get to read it because someone else wanted to read it so I let them have it.”
Me: “Okay, well, when are you getting it back from them?”
Borrower 1: “Well, the thing is, they lost it. But I promise I’ll get you another one. I’m really sorry.”
Do you think I ever got a new copy from them? No, I didn’t. And I am not friends with Borrower 1 anymore.
Me: “Are you enjoying Outlander? It’s pretty great, don’t ya think?”
Borrower 2: “Oh, right. I forgot to tell you. I left it on the kitchen counter and my boyfriend spilled a fresh pot of coffee all over it. I didn’t even get to read it. I’ll get you a new one, I promise.”
Me: “Oh no! When did that happen?” (I ask because they’ve had it for at least 6 mos.)
Borrower 2: “Oh, I don’t remember.” (Borrower 2 will not make eye contact when they answer me.)
Do you think I got a new copy from them? I most certainly did not, and we, also, are not friends anymore.
Me: “How are you liking Outlander?” (I know, I know. When will I learn?)
Borrower 3: “What’s Outlander?”
Me: “The book I let you borrow? The pretty blue one? Kinda big?”
Borrower 3, looking confused: “Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell you. My brother got a new dog, and it’s not house-trained yet, so it kinda went to the bathroom on your book. Sorry about that.”
Borrower 3 did not even offer to replace my ruined book, and I finally learned my lesson. Before being forced to replace my copy of Outlander a third time, I had only lent a couple of other books to people in high school, with similar results, which I chalked up to the extremely accurate stereotype that [some] teenagers are irresponsible assholes. I kept lending out books I liked because I wanted to share my enjoyment with others, and because there have been some people who return my books quickly, in excellent condition, and we were able to have a good chat about the book (always fun when you’re a book lover).
These days, however, if I give someone a book, I do not do so with the intent or expectation of getting the book back. If you receive a book from me, it is a gift, not a loan. Polonius had it right: “Neither a borrower nor a lender be.” Even the Bible discourages lending unless you are a bank, instead recommending that if you are to part with money (or books) for the sake of a friend, it’s better to consider it a gift and not expect anything back. Added bonus: people like getting gifts, and you won’t be disappointed when they don’t return it later.
So, this holiday season, when you’re out fighting the throngs of frenzied shoppers in search of the perfect gifts, consider instead the spirit of giving and how good it feels to give someone you love something to show that you care. Unless they are selfish, terrible people–which some are–they will care more about getting to enjoy time with you than about what you’ve given them. Unless, of course, you got them fuzzy socks. I do enjoy some fuzzy socks.
And, obviously, I enjoy books. I wish you all a very happy Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and whatever other holidays you observe this time of year, and may the page-turners be with you.
Thalia Huntley 